The Transformers Dating Game
by KJG
Summary: Arcee gets her choice of Cybertron's eligible bachelors.


Jazz: Hey there, girls and bolts! On today's Dating Game, our guest is Arcee. Arcee is a spritely three million year old Autobot who enjoys wasting Decepticons, as well as picking fresh flowers. Here she is!

(Arcee strolls out, shakes Jazz's hand and sits down.)

Jazz: Arcee, I like that name. It sounds sporty.

Arcee: I don't think the host should be hitting on the dates.

(Both laugh.)

Jazz: Anyway, let's see the five Transformers Arcee had to choose from.

(Teletran 1 rolls onto the stage. Jazz voices comments over each bachelor's picture, then a clip is played of the bachelor talking.)

Jazz: Bachelor #1 is Beachcomber. He enjoys wandering and is looking for a girl that can share is sense of being. Hmmm...

(A clip of Beachcomber is played.)

Beachcomber: So, you know what I mean, you have to be one with universe, one with the daisies. Because if you like daisies, than you know a truce can't be far behind.

(The clip stops.)

Jazz: Bachelor #2 comes from a far off time. He enjoys living in people's heads and building things that explode. Meet Tarantulas.

(A clip of Tarantulas plays.)

Tarantulas: hehhehhehhehheh, heeheeheee, bwahahahahahahahahahahaha...

(The clip stops.)

Jazz: If you'd like someone a little more comprehensible, than it probably is not Bachelor #3. Seaspray enjoys water polo and wishes he was a mermaid.

(Seaspray's clip plays.)

Seaspray: Shoh I shays to Powlergride gurgle thash he neesh tu grit a betterrr gurgle brood tesh beforsh marrish. Gurgle. Gurgle. Gurgle.

(The clip ends.)

Jazz: Bachelor #4 is an all-Cybertronian boy who enjoys fishing and complaining about leadership. Currently, he is out of a job. Meet Hot Rod!

(The clip flickers, then plays.)

Hot Rod: So, I threw a muffin at Kup and he got so steamed that he ran at us and slipped in a puddle of grease. He fell flat on his keister! Herby Weidelmayer laughed so hard that soda came out his nose!

(The clip ends.)

Jazz: Very funny stuff. Bachelor #5 needs no introduction. Grimlock!

(The final clip rolls.)

Grimlock: Me Grimlock say get camera away! (Grimlock grabs the lens and we see him struggling with the cameraman.) Rowrrr! (The screen explodes into static.)

Jazz: We'll learn who the audience picked later. Arcee, after viewing the tapes, which bachelor did you decide to go out with?

Arcee: That would be...Hot Rod!

(The audience cheers and a live feed of Hot Rod, looking quite dapper, is shown on the screen.)

Hot Rod: Hey there, Arcee!

Jazz: Arcee, what was the first thing that went through your mind when Hot Rod came to pick you up?

Arcee: I thought, "Didn't flame decals go out of style years ago?"

(Hot Rod shakes his head. Jazz laughs.)

Jazz: How about you, Hot Rod?

Hot Rod: She frightened me.

Jazz: So, where did you two first go?

Arcee: Before we even went out to eat, he took me to a place called Lookout Mountain. It was a quiet area overlooking Autobot city. I was shocked! Was this guy putting the moves on me half an hour into the date? But, he didn't try anything. We watched shuttles landing and it was all very sweet.

(The audience goes, "Awwww....")

Jazz: Hot Rod, that was pretty slick.

Hot Rod: Yes, you never know when another shuttle will be boarded by Decepticons!

Jazz: (a little confused) So Arcee, where did you go after that?

Arcee: We went to dine at a little place called Cosmo's Soda Fountain. Hot Rod insisted it was where the average American took their dates. It was cute, but Hot Rod spent a good deal of the night playing pinball.

Jazz: Hot Rod, what were you thinking?!

Hot Rod: But I was so close to the high score!

Jazz: What event was next?

Arcee: As the moon rose, we both parked on another peak outside Autobot city, which Hot Rod seductively suggested was called Makeout Mountain.

Jazz: (stoically) Hot Rod, you're quite the Don Juan.

Hot Rod: (winks) Hey, disease cures aren't the only secrets I picked up from the ancients while I had the Matrix!

Jazz: Um, Arcee, did this turn you on?

Arcee: Well, I must admit that it was quaint. But in the end, I had to explain that it wasn't appropriate. There was a child present!

Jazz: What?!

Arcee: You see, Jazz, my Headmaster companion is Daniel Witwicky! All I kept hearing while Hot Rod touched me was "Ewww....cooties!"

Jazz: Uh, why don't we see who the audience chose?

(On Teletran 1, percentages roll on pictures of each bachelor.)

Jazz: It seems the audience majority chose...Tarantulas! Arcee, we'd be willing to pick up the tab if you went on a date with him.

Arcee: Sure, why not?

(Suddenly, a little spider scurries out on the stage, cackling away. Arcee grimaces and squashes Tarantulas with her foot.)

Jazz: Arcee! We've never had anyone splatter one of their dates before!

Arcee: (sighs) Oops. Well, you don't suppose I could go out with Hot Rod again?

Jazz: Well, considering your other date is incapacitated, why not?

Hot Rod: Alright! (He runs out on stage.)

Arcee: Hot Rod, want to go play some pinball?

Hot Rod: Cool!

(Arcee and Hot Rod hit Jazz up for quarters and skip off, giggling.)

Jazz: Cut! (looks at producer) What did I say about sending me Headmasters?! 

  



End file.
